This little bubble of mine

I'm a loon.

Last time I was sitting on the fountain of Valletta, and it was a bit windy and the water of the fountain was spraying on my back. It was such a nice feeling, only that the water is rather dirty as you might have realized. But...I couldn't care less. I just sat there whilst looking at people hassling about it and trying to cover their hair from the beautiful spray. And I was there...sitting with my hair blowing in the breeze and getting wet, and loving it xD

Anyway since I had nothing better to do than wait (as it was what I was doing in the first place) I started writing down some things which make me happy and I came up with these:

1. Little children blowing bubbles and then running after them
2. Laughing out loudly without caring
3. Remembering something funny in a quiet place full of people and muffling the laugh
4. Having a warm shower and getting into bed after a day at the beach
5. Sleeping knowing you don't have to wake up early the next day
6. Somebody smiling back at you when you smile at them
7. Being able to content myself from these silly things ><

Toodles and smiles :)

My room is starting to form. My character is starting to be instilled and, I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in Bugibba :D Why this sudden comfort? My brother started my first drawing on my wall. :)

You see I usually always have some form of drawing on my wall, as you can imagine. Whoever knows my brother, and mother for that matter knows why. My brother- the artist, my mother- the 'it's ok, as long as it remains in your room' :) Hence, my first drawing of the many to come in my room :)

I remember reading my brothers blog about a new chapter in his life and I remember thinking how scary it was to start a new chapter, to leave all the rest behind and to keep going strong for the rest of the book.

Well I turned the page and found it's the end of the book. I'm starting a new one. The last one was amazing, there are no words to explain it..Honestly, It was a very happy 2 years of my life. To stop using metaphors, cause I'm rather tired to keep it going...many things have changed and are still changing. me and mike are no longer a couple. It's a funny feeling, and I can't believe it. We still see each other a lot, being in the same community and everything. Today we were pondering on how funny Christian break ups are. You don't pass through the normal steps of a break up: denial, realisation, despair, regret, eagerness to fill the void, regret again (this part could be recurring) and then okness. It's more like: feel a void, fill it with God, smile and be friends. I'm not saying there aren't feelings involved because I must say this hurts a lot, but there's something different. I suppose that's what we mean when we say we have God's joy...it's eternal, it remains no matter what.


In my new book (metaphor's back), there is chaplaincy. :) I never thought I would be so comfortable with new people so quickly. The people there are pretty awesome, and honestly, studying has never been more fun. I also love the way love shows through them all, in the sense that it's like one big family..makes me happy :D

Intercession is doing great. I love the togetherness there too. Meeting a lot of new people all of a sudden, which is really awesome. Summer is starting very nicely indeed :)

I also want this to be a new start where my relationship with God is on a new level. For these past 2 years I have never been on the road with God alone. Now I am, and I think it's gna be a blast hehe. I want to go deeper with Him, and I want to play for Him alone, I want to sing for Him alone. :)

Thats about it for now,

Bring on the change...in small gentle doses if you don't mind :)

Van :)

I am very happy to say: One to go :D Finally, these exams drained me of all sanity, and deprived me of a lot of food too.. :S Finally enough though, these exams haven't drained me of happiness. I've been studying at chaplaincy for these past week I think, and I must say I am very happy indeed. It feels very nice to share the stresses of a students life with other people who are passing through the same thing. And the good thing is, it's not even shared with moaning and groaning, but rather through smiles and 'ejja l-ahhar ftit's. So I am a happy chick ><

Although everything is good with my 'social' life, if you want to call it that, My head has been turned upside down and is still trying to function normally. It's not really the exams, more.....I don't know...my confusion. Confusion and me were going out in 6th form, but I thought we broke up for good, and I never wanted to see him again. However he returned begging for forgiveness...and silly me took him back. And now, he's here to stay he says. Problem is I hate this feeling. I feel like I don't know what I want anymore...ekk like every area of my life is at that point where I have to decide something, and I don't know what it is. Bleh, I want it to go now. I want to have a happy care free summer not a pensive one. Ehh...God knows.

On the bright side this can finally happen:

I love playing with my food. Little faces shine out to me...so today I decided to put them on paper...here they are:



Sun grass and flower out of 'moon and stars' cocopops










:) I was bored xD

hmm, what else did I want to relate, Oh yes. Me and estelle had our final observation thank God. However in this one I got a rather unpleasant farewell gift. For those who don't know, for university we have to observe children and see their normal development...not random children, we're not stalkers, we have 3 children whom we observe 3 times each throughout the year. Anywhooo...this particular boy (age 3) is a wee bit hyperactive one he gets to know you, in the good way. Anyway I was playing scary monster with him (scary monster being me) and i grabbed him, and told him I wasn't get to let go and I was going to eat him. So as it was this boy was 'sitting' on my knee. And all of a sudden a feel this warmth, and hear this familiar but not too common (or socially acceptable for that matter) sound. The child had farted on my knee :( and not silently. I didnt know what to do, I turn round and see Estelle's fuzzy hair shaking in fits of laughter, I just burst out laughing and little boy just skipped off content from his freedom of the big scary giant. o0. Wonderful lol.

Also today was a wonderful day :) Other than the head and neck studying, I must say I spent a blissful day with mike...hehe we went to shop for food cause we decided we wanted to cook. Our shopping result was: Coco pops, budino, which we made ourselves, galletti, parma ham, a carton of milk, bake rolls and orange juice. We thought of krissie shouting at us to eat something substantial and healthy hehe...xD Was much funness :D

Toodles

I was studying psychology, and something struck me. Now this doesn't usually happen as everything that comes out of my psychology books usually sounds high and made for stoner's to reflect upon. However... This hit me:

Erikson talks about stages in life, and what goes into each. Some are a bit stretched, but he talks about this particular stage, called 'Adolescence: Identity vs Role confusion' This stage goes on from 13-19. He describes how during this stage an identity crisis is normal, however such problems should be resolved at this point..if not there would be a frantic search for identity starting again in old age. He thought that identity resulted from role confusion (ie who u are and what you want to do in life). He says that the most disturbing part is youth's ability to decide an occupational identity. Finally if none of this is resolved, one may develop a negative identity: where one acts hostile towards roles offered as proper and desirable by the community. He also adds that people in this stage cannot love(be intimate) in the truest sense because of the still struggling search for identity.

Now he may be wrong about the love thing but what struck me is the similarity between that generation and this. Think about it...About 80% of university students are not happy in their course and have no idea what they want to do..I wont even talk about 6th formers. I'm not different, I only recently found out I wanted to be a speech therapist. Now he says that this stage finishes at 19 supposedly...maybe our generation experienced a stretch of that. Either that or, our past stages are not fully developed, which is quite disturbing cos one one of those stages is the muscular-anal stage (i.e. excretion) :S

hmmmm.. xD

I am saying goodbye:

Goodbye to my hermitting
Goodbye to my anxiety
Goodbye to my stress
Goodbye to my grumpiness
Goodbye to my competition
Goodbye to my procrastination
Goodbye to my frowns
Goodbye to my tears

Hello to bright sunny, hyper, happy, bubbly, outgoing, not too anxious, excited about life, cannot be pushed down, not fearsome, slightly procrastinated, not worry bound, slightly weird, in love with God ME :)

Hello old friend :)

... xD

sunnyside up :)